safe (2)

I brace myself to race myself

force yourself up the stairs.

(its been too long)

you know full well, just tell

Let him know not listening is disrespectful

who cares that he’s the light of your life

the only reason you smile

(he has a wife)

get past the kind eyes that leave you tongue tied

Be the strong woman like everyone always tells you to.

I don’t need your charity, just for clarity

I could’ve done this myself

(with what money?)

maybe i just want to taunt

others with how well I get by in the cold.

none of this comes out in our roundabout though

just the sunshined scent of your skin

(cariño mio its you)

nullifies what I had within

i cry instead of yelling.

just let me be! don’t do this to me

my mind is a steel seive

( you’re amazing)

all brave no cave what a lie

I turn into a little girl in front of you

this is a little city quite pretty

but its one giant hell

(I’m just a puta)

if people knew you bought me things too

this would not end well.

i feel so dirty please don’t think I’m flirting

I’m spaced out on a flashback

(who would trust me?)

I brace for a chase as you get up from your chair

But suddenly you hug me.

what do I say as the world melts away

I press against you, trying to melt

(I’m flirty, just like the dad I never had)

all these words I’ve never said try to leave my head

I bite them back

(I)

you’re saying words but my thoughts chirp like birds

(love)

my arms won’t hold you but in my mind they do

(you)

(I just want to feel safe with you)

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safe (1)

ssh sh sh

familiar little rasps

(you called, darling?)

tee hee hee

familiar laughing gasps

you smile, with your little girl’s teeth

 little opal wreaths.

(you’re beautiful)

you’re wearing no sweater today

despite the frigid air that blows in from the bay

you  don’t sit with me

you enter my room, resting knock kneed

(you still don’t trust me?)

against the wall. pressing into it

hiding in it

i open my mouth, a giant’s maw to caw

but then i notice the twirl of hair ’round your jaw

(something is wrong)

you’re nervous, scared

i’m unprepared

what you say next is the real shock

puts my soul in a headlock

(wait what no)

somehow I’ve been rude

my generosity misconstrued

is this why you won’t wear my gift?

please don’t cause this rift

it cost me nothing to buy

and you nothing to try

(don’t do this to me)

you start to cry, not outwardly

but inflective little spindles of pain, cowardly

little shakes that tremble your voice.

I try to backtrack, this wasn’t my choice

(I did it to be nice)

you shake your head again, short hair flying

please stop you’ll make me start crying

i beg you to accept it, use it, have it

But I see the fear, the wariness in your eyes

(it hurts)

you’re too street smart

you think im setting you up to play some part

i try to loop around, backtrack

this isnt an attack

(i just can’t say i love you)

i can see bad memories bubbling in your eyes

(don’t )

I hug you, keep you from going awry

(cry)

you dont hold me: but just rest in my grasp

(you’re)

you press into my chest and softly gasp

(safe)

“I just wanted to feel safe with you”

(I want to put a smile on your face)